the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
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