Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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