apparently the secret to your success is patron
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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