Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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