I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
