Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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