I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
