He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
