i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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