like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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