no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
