i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
