Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."