his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?