he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.