And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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