i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
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doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
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I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study