Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I met the friendliest cop last night
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
