So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
