I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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