You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Oh god it's open bar.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
