I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
