I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
