I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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