also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
