Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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