Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
