Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
