May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
