I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
