I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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