we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
