She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
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The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
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I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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