u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
