the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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