if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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