How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
