And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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