She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
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I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
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Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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