dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
