I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
