just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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