no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
