When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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