Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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