Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
