i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
