We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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