it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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