Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
