He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
