i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
