my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
