2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
