shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
