I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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