Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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