i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
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