I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize