OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
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hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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