I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
