"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
