you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
