The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
