I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
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you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
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We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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