I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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