his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
