I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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